As a first time Mum you create a vision of what you believe Motherhood looks like. It’s idyllic, it’s all love and hearts and it’s free from judgement. When you become a Mother, that is when the fun starts. It is all love and hearts but it isn’t free from judgement and it isn’t easy! My thoughts are that this is because no book or app or advice from another Mum can prepare you for it. Every baby is different and their needs and wants are also different.
The difficulties of being a mum
The hardest part about becoming a Mother is having a real expectation vs reality moment. It’s the first job you’ll ever have with no training or induction. Will you get there eventually? Of course ,but the struggle is the pressure you put on yourself to know everything.
A lot of people ask me, how did I feel about having a boy? I can answer this in 2 ways:
- To my surprise how many people think you’ll be disappointed as a women to carry and have a boy.
- It’s taught me the importance of raising him to speak his mind and never bottle things up. I want him to be able to off load to us as parents and not carry the stigma attached to men speaking about their feelings.
Mummy/ Wife balance
Very tricky! I completely understand now when people say moving or having a baby tests your relationship because my goodness it really does. Me and my husband struggled with this for the first few months especially when I was breast feeding Grayson but over time we have learnt to value and make the most of our time together when we get our windows. We also have monthly date nights as a way of unwinding and also re grouping as a couple.
For Grayson we have a routine which is a trigger for him to know bedtime is coming. We do bath, bottle, book, song and bed.
For me as a Mum, it’s asking my Husband about his day, having an adult conversation after a day of cooing, singing and dancing. Failing that it’s a ritual for my Husband and I to always have a series on the go, it’s nice to lose yourself in something which takes you away from your day to day.
Dealing with criticism
Try not to view it as criticism and more as people not opening their mind to other people’s parenting. I find if someone doesn’t understand why you have your routine a certain way or you have chosen not to use a dummy… the list goes on, it can lead to judgement and criticism. How do you overcome that? I think seeing your baby happy and thriving with your decisions about their routine is enough to make you stop worrying about any other opinion.
The best bits
I had always dreamt and hoped that one day I could be a Mum and a lot of that came from the close bond I have with my Mum. Becoming a Mum and watching Grayson learn, explore, discover and laugh is one of the biggest gifts I’ll ever have.
My mummy survival tips
- In the first few weeks remember you need looking after too. Don’t feel guilty to say no to visitors or to classes, have a big cry and lean on your Mum for support… she’ll get it!
- Try not to neglect your partner in the process of looking after yourself and your Baby. They will feel a bit lost in the first few weeks
- Every baby develops at different rates.. do not compare and put pressure on yourself or your baby.. they’ll get there in their own time.
- Remember social media gives a very rose tinted view on how people are doing. Always speak to someone if you feel overwhelmed.
- Lastly…. enjoy them! Enjoy their laughter, their funny noises, their cries, their faces when they recognise you entering a room and their scrunched noses when they taste something new.